A DISC Guide for Parents and Mentors
From “Treat People How You Want to Be Treated” to “Treat Them How They Want to Be Treated”
Growing up, my mom and my nan—two of the kindest people I know—always used to say, “Treat people how you want to be treated.” For them, it was all about kindness. And while I still believe kindness is fundamental, I’ve realized kindness alone isn’t the whole picture. DISC has taught me something more: to truly connect, I need to treat people with kindness and communicate with them in the way that resonates best for them.
This is where the DISC model comes in—a tool that helps me tune into each adult, teen, and child’s unique communication style, motivations, and behavior so I can tailor my approach in a way that feels meaningful and natural to them.
When it comes to helping kids thrive as writers and communicators, understanding their personalities and communication styles makes a big difference. But before diving into how DISC applies to young writers, let’s pause to get a clear handle on what DISC really is—and, just as importantly, what it isn’t.
DISC isn’t about boxing anyone in or rating intelligence. It’s a flexible tool to help us understand the unique ways each child approaches their writing and interactions. Let’s break it down.
Breaking Down DISC: The Four Types
The DISC model centres around four main personality types, each defined by a blend of two primary axes: task-focused vs people-focused and big / picture fast-paced vs detailed-focused/ reflective. Where a person falls on these axes determines their DISC type, creating a spectrum rather than rigid categories. Here’s the quick-and-easy version of each:
Dominance (D): People high in Dominance are direct, driven by results, and thrive in competitive environments. Positioned as fast-paced and task-focused, they’re motivated by challenges and are the ones you’ll often see confidently taking the lead.
Influence (I): Influential individuals? They’re the lively ones—outgoing, enthusiastic, and absolutely love social interaction. Falling into the fast-paced, people-focused quadrant, they’re driven by relationships, recognition, and collaboration. Social settings and group dynamics fuel their fire.
Steadiness (S): Those with high Steadiness value loyalty, harmony, and consistency. They tend to be reflective and people-focused, which makes them thoughtful listeners who avoid conflict and work best in calm, supportive environments.
Conscientiousness (C): Conscientious individuals are detail-oriented, analytical, and seek structure. As reflective and task-focused types, they’re motivated by accuracy and prefer clear, logical steps, thriving in environments where they can work at a steady, deliberate pace.
Now, here’s the thing: most people aren’t a single, “pure” type. This is especially true for kids. DISC doesn’t box anyone in—most of us fall somewhere in between. A kid might show Dominance in the way they confidently lead group work, but also have a touch of Steadiness, thriving on individual connection with particular classmates. DISC gives us the flexibility to see how these traits interact and overlap in different scenarios.
And here’s the real power: we all have a bit of Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness in us. Imagine being able to tap into your “inner D” when you need a confidence boost to lead, or dialing up your “I” energy when a situation calls for openness and social ease. We can even lean into “S” for empathy and listening or “C” for careful planning when precision is needed. Learning to recognize and call on these strengths depending on the context is incredibly powerful—it’s what makes DISC such a flexible tool for real-life situations.
What DISC Is—and Isn’t
DISC is helpful, but let’s keep it real about what it isn’t. Here’s a quick rundown:
DISC isn’t an IQ test: It won’t tell you about a child’s academic ability or intelligence. Instead, it highlights how they prefer to communicate, what drives them, and how they tend to approach others.
It doesn’t gauge emotional intelligence or diagnose neurodivergence: DISC won’t tell you how a child manages emotions (EQ) or diagnose neurodivergence, like ADHD or autism. It’s about understanding behavior, not brain chemistry or mental health.
It doesn’t predict career or academic success: DISC isn’t a crystal ball for predicting who’ll be the next CEO or top of the class. What it does offer is a window into how kids approach tasks and the kind of environments that will support their engagement and motivation.
DISC isn’t a measure of learning style, but—and here’s where it gets exciting—I do use a DISC-based survey for students that taps into cognitive processing. (I’ll dig into this in a future post!)
It doesn’t measure creativity, artistic talent, or social skills: DISC gives us a sense of communication style, not how skilled a child is in writing, art, or making friends. It’s all about identifying what kind of setting helps them feel most like themselves.
It’s not permanent or fixed: For kids, DISC is a snapshot of tendencies that can evolve as they grow. Personalities aren’t set in stone at any age—DISC is a guidance tool, not a label.
DISC isn’t a substitute for personalized support: It’s a helpful tool, but it doesn’t replace the deep understanding that comes from parent-child connections and educational support. It’s one piece of a much bigger puzzle.
DISC is strength-based: Its purpose is to illuminate communication strengths rather than limit potential. It uncovers each child’s natural approach so we can help them lean into those strengths—especially in creative settings.
DISC and Kids: Understanding Communication Preferences
Now let’s bring this to life for kids. DISC is especially powerful for understanding how a child’s communication preferences and personality traits are beginning to take shape, setting the stage as they move into early adulthood. But let’s keep in mind that children are still finding themselves—DISC isn’t static or 100% precise.
Kids’ personalities grow and shift as they explore new activities, navigate friendships, and learn to express themselves. DISC gives parents and mentors a flexible lens for understanding these tendencies, but we can’t forget that personality is a dynamic thing at a young age.
Kids also adapt their communication styles to match their settings—whether they’re at home, at school, or with friends. A child who shows more “Dominance” at home where they feel comfortable may lean towards “Steadiness” in a new classroom setting. DISC shows us these natural preferences without trying to confine them.
Self-awareness is another huge benefit of DISC. When kids start to recognize their own style, they begin to understand why they approach things the way they do and why their peers may act differently. This awareness builds empathy and helps them connect socially. But while DISC highlights strengths, it’s important to gently encourage kids to venture out of their comfort zones. For instance, a “Steady” child can gain confidence by taking on small leadership roles.
In the end, DISC isn’t about labeling; it’s a supportive tool for parents and mentors to adapt alongside each child’s evolving needs. Used with flexibility, DISC adds depth to each child’s journey, transforming self-discovery into something rich and empowering.
How DISC Can Help Families Understand Their Kids
So, while DISC isn’t a magic map for predicting future behavior, it’s incredibly useful in understanding family dynamics and current communication styles. Here’s what I have observed using it with families:
Illuminating Strengths: DISC shines a light on each family member’s natural strengths, and sometimes, it helps families see traits they hadn’t thought about in quite the same way. I was chatting with a mom last week who shared a story about her daughter, who’s a high Steadiness (S). At home, she’s the perfect big sister, always taking care of everyone—probably deserves her own “World’s Most Thoughtful” trophy. But in her Minecraft class? Different story. She was so worried about coming across as unkind that she wouldn’t give her classmates feedback, even if they asked.
Now, has DISC magically helped her dish out feedback in her class? Not quite yet—but her mom shared with me that just having this strength-based approach has made it so much easier to talk about it with her. They’re finding ways to encourage her, little by little, and it’s opened up a new way of seeing her natural strengths while gently building her confidence to speak up.
Giving Families a Language for Motivation and Behavior: DISC gives families a way to talk about what makes everyone tick—no guesswork, no mind reading. Yesterday, I was chatting with a mom who shared a scene straight out of a sitcom. Over dinner, she put down her fork, looked around, and said, “Guys, the mood in this house is really red (Dominant).” Cue silence.
The way she told it to me, everyone paused, forks mid-air. Suddenly, it was like the tension in the room just dissolved. We both had a good laugh imagining it, but she said that just calling out the energy in the room gave them a new way to talk about what they were all feeling, and it instantly changed the mood.
Guiding Communication: DISC is also magic for helping parents see why their approach to communication sometimes lands like a lead balloon. One of my favorite examples was a Conscientious (C) mom who was constantly reminding her son about his grammar and punctuation in his writing. (She’s detail-oriented; I get it!) Meanwhile, her son—who’s all about big-picture ideas—had just finished his first full scene and was thrilled about it. But the second he asked her for feedback, she went right into edit mode, picking apart the details. He went from cloud nine to deflated in about two seconds.
When we chatted through her DISC profile and how she was communicating with him, I could see the realization dawn on her face. Now, was it her intention to make her son feel that way? No, of course not! It was just her natural focus on the details bumping up against his big-picture excitement. It was a classic “aha” moment. She’s learning to acknowledge his accomplishments and enthusiasm before diving into the nitty-gritty. The result? He’s more open to her feedback.
Supporting Flexibility and Adaptability: DISC doesn’t just give families insights; it helps them flex and adjust to each other’s styles. I love hearing how families are using DISC at home. Like one family who decided to bring a little more “yellow” (Influence) energy into their routine to make time for creativity and play. Or another family who admitted that game night was starting to feel like a “red” (Dominant) showdown—complete with high-stakes Monopoly negotiations that almost needed referees.
I was impressed to learn later that the reluctant high D father decided to dial down their competitive “red” energy to give their kids a chance to bring theirs up. Funny enough, it turned into a friendlier (and way more fun) experience for everyone.
These conversations are the ones I feel privileged to be a part of every day, and I absolutely love it. I’ve seen countless “aha” moments. I’ve watched parents suddenly understand why certain topics always lead to tension or why their child’s motivation can skyrocket in creative activities but wane in others. It’s inspiring to see how, with this simple tool, families connect on a new level, and I’m constantly amazed by how much deeper their support for their child becomes.
Using DISC to Support Young Writers
As a writing mentor and coach, DISC has been a game-changer in helping me tailor my approach to each child’s unique strengths. I grew up with the idea that you should “treat people how you want to be treated,” but DISC has shown me something even better: to truly connect with my young writers, I need to treat them how they want to be treated.
DISC shapes so much in my approach—from choosing writing activities to deciding how to deliver feedback and introduce new concepts. A child high in Influence, for instance, thrives in a group setting, so I’ll often go with collaborative exercises or discussions where they can share ideas and feel energized by their peers. Meanwhile, a Conscientious child prefers structured tasks with clear steps, like story outlining, where they can stay organized and focused.
Even feedback is adapted for each DISC style. A Dominant child benefits most from direct, goal-oriented feedback that challenges them, while a Steady child responds best to gentle, consistent encouragement that builds their confidence over time. Adjusting my feedback style helps each child feel supported and motivated.
DISC also guides how I explain new concepts and actively listen to each child’s needs. For example, with a Conscientious child, I might break down a concept step-by-step, whereas with an Influential child, I might frame it as an open-ended exploration to spark creativity. This flexibility not only supports comprehension but also builds trust, making each writer feel truly heard.
I love talking about DISC! I could do it all day if you let me. Coming up, I’ll dive into each DISC personality type and how it shapes a child’s approach to writing, starting with the Dominant Writer. I’ll share insights into what makes each type tick, how they respond to feedback, and the creative approaches that work best for the unique personalities I see in my class. And if you’re interested in DISC-related feedback for your family, please reach out.
I've already identified my daughter as, Influence. I'm definitely, Steadiness. My husband is probably in the steadiness category also.
Thank you for this. 🌱